Friday, March 20, 2009

Long time, no see...

I haven't blogged in about THREE MONTHS!!


First of all, I joined Twitter; see the sidebar. --> And, look for me on Skype, too.

It's been crazy and busy, and wild, and a roller coaster sometimes, and I just haven't been motivated to write about it. Mostly, I've been struggling with some feelings of betrayal and hurt that I just couldn't shake. When I feel like that, I can barely talk to my friends, my Mom or my husband about it, let alone wave it in front of the virtual world. Don't get me wrong: I'm not so conceited as to think that anyone but me reads this with any regularity or serious consideration; however, I know from past experience that folks I know stumble across it all the time (I don't advertise it; it's listed in my profile in a couple of spots, but that's it). I don't want to make my readers feel uncomfortable because I'm ranting about things they don't really understand or relate to, and I don't want to look back and feel like a fool. Ultimately, this is a blog, not a diary, so it is by nature public, not private and I tend to be a very private, extroverted person. Great at parties, but I sometimes leave people wondering what they really know about me.

So, that's that and I've made ALOT of progress away from a deep hurt and alot of resentment toward just getting along in my everyday life without thinking about the situation constantly and wondering why people can be so blatantly mean sometimes. It sucks, but we all have to deal at some point, and I've reached that point.

Something else that's been happening: December 17th, I was suddenly struck with a severe case of sciatica. Can't-sit-can-only-stand-or-lie-on-my-stomach sciatica, and even then, I was in great pain constantly. Pain I couldn't sleep through, and I can sleep through Jason's snoring, so that's saying something. I was bed-ridden for two weeks and nothing seemed to help. After seeing a chiropractor and a doctor, a second doctor finally told me what the problem was: a severely inflamed hamstring that is affecting my sciatic nerve and every tendon in my leg. I'm just now getting to where I can dance regularly again, but I still limp most of the time. Driving makes it hurts the most, but I've made tons of progress in that area, too.

I tell ya, having an emotional injury as well as physical one really just plays havoc with your pysche. I haven't really even wanted to dance. I haven't been inspired to create, choreograph, design, crochet, knit, even just listen to music in a while. There were days when I just cried at the seeming unfairness of it.

Finally, I'm pulling myself out, washing off the blue funk and getting back into the swing. Maybe the injury was caused by my internalizing the emotional hurt. More likely, it was caused by simply being lazy and not keeping up with my Yoga and stretching. Either way, I had to deal with both things together and it made for a dark Winter.

But, today is the first day of Spring. And, I'm finally finding a balance.

1 comment:

Donna said...

I am sorry you've been feeling like this--emotionally and physically. I hope Spring will bring a lot of light into your life.